Proper Facebook Etiquette

       DISCLAIMER: Please note that this list of "Proper Facebook Etiquette" is my opinion only and is not directed at anyone in particular.  Also, I haven't been on my account in a long time so this list does not apply to anything that has been recently updated onto Facebook.   

  

       I love Facebook.  I really do.  It provides an excellent way to communicate with your peers, keep up with the hottest celebs, and plan events.  But there are a lot of things about it that I wish I could change.  So, while up in my room today I started to write a list of all the things on this social network that totally irritate me (and I'm sure they irritate you as well).  

•        First of all, no matter how many "likes" your profile picture may get, no one actually wants to see you and your boyfriend making out.  I know you may "love" each other and all, but it's really none of our business!  Something that personal shouldn't be shared as a photo on Facebook so that all of your friends (and people who you just happen to have listed as friends) can see.  Also, I hate to break it to ya, but don't think that employers don't check you out on Facebook before they hire you!  I know that a kissing picture isn't illegal or anything, but your employer may question your priorities and reconsider hiring you to work for them.  So, please, please, PLEASE save the kissing for just the two of you. 
•        "Billy-Joe Smith: oh f***, this f***en sucks! i f***en hate you, you b****."  OK, what's wrong with this Facebook status?  Let's start with all the profanities; yea, we know you're mad, Billy-Joe.  But Facebook isn't your diary.  Also, think about all the people who can see that: the person it's directed towards (maybe you wanted them to see), all of your friends, your mom, your dad, your little brother, your grandmother, your aunt, your employer, etc. the list goes on.  Hm, that's one way to get them to deny any relation to you!  No one likes a potty-mouth, especially one who fills their news feed daily with a whole bunch of words that you don't want to see.  So please, if you're angry, communicate in a healthy way instead of through Facebook.
•        How many mirror pictures can one person have?  According to Facebook, not enough.  Yes, I admit I have taken a few mirror pictures.  But not every other one of my photos are me holding my smartphone or camera making a pouty face hoping that at least 5 people will "like" it.  Every single photo looks the same.  So, settle with your favourite and upload only that one.  And really, it's not all that hard to ask someone (like a younger sibling or friend) to take a flattering picture of you.  So, do us all a favor and limit your mirror pictures to like three. :)
•        I always get a good laugh when my mom makes what is supposed to be a post to one of her friend's wall her Facebook status.  "Hey Martha, great party but I forgot my sweater at your place.  Could you bring it to me?"  Yea, I know that's nothing super embarrassing or anything, but it's always annoying whenever someone makes this mistake.  So, don't.  I'm not saying that accidents like this won't happen, but make sure you've written on someone's wall and not your own before you post it!
•        OK, if you've updated your status more than three times in one day, you have a problem.  I admit that I have done it myself, but I also acknowledge the fact that I probably got on many people's nerves.  The whole world doesn't need to know that you just bought a Coke and you are on your way to Costco.  
•        It's always cute when my friends steal my phone and update my status to something like "Janelle Standcumbe: just took a massive dump!"...NOT.  Not only is that completely embarrassing for me, but no one will believe that it was actually me who wrote that (no offense if you feel the need to let people know of your bowel movements).  We all know how "hilarious" it is if you were the one who updated one of your friends statuses, but that is just one way to tick them off.  Do yourself a favor and only update to your own account.
•        Last but certainly not least; LADIES, BE PROUD OF HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE AND DON'T PUT YOURSELF DOWN (boys can do this too).  I find it annoying when a pretty girl takes a decent picture of herself that she uploads to her account and people comment saying "You're pretty!" and she responds with "No I'm not.  I look fat."  First of all, stop fishing for more compliments and just accept the first one.  Confidence is attractive (don't mistake confidence for cockiness).  Also, if you don't like the photo, then why upload it in the first place?  Just be glad that someone "liked" your photo or had the guts to say something nice about it.  

       

       All right, now that I have established my opinion of the "Proper Facebook Etiquette", I would love to hear yours.  Feel free to comment!  I would love to hear what you think is and isn't appropriate for the world to see.

-Jan Standcumbe

Playing Coy

       Playing hard to get, playing coy, being chased after.  I'm sure you've heard all those phrases before.  They all have the same meaning, but what is their meaning exactly?  On the website usingenglish.com, the definition given is: "If someone plays hard to get, they pretend not to be interested or attracted to someone, usually to make the other person increase their efforts."  So, ultimately, don't make yourself too available to someone that they get bored and don't feel the need to get to know you as well as they could have.  Actually, the reverse of playing hard to get would technically be 'easy', which can potentially have an ironic outcome and sometimes turn off the person you're trying to impress.

       Why am I blogging about this topic?  Because before I was grounded, I was way too available.  If I wasn't on Facebook, I was on my phone.  If I wasn't on my phone, I was with friends.  And if I wasn't with friends, I was on Facebook, etc. and it goes on in one big cycle.  I wasn't exactly what you would call 'hard to get'.  It isn't like I was 'easy' or anything, I was just too desperate and always in search of friendship.  But, now that I have technically no way to communicate (which I have noticed has made me happier), I would be considered hard to get. 

       OK, so think of it this way; in the Walt Disney film Homeward Bound, the animals can talk to each other.  Anyway, the main character, Chance (a dog), really wants to eat some people food so he tries to get what he wants by waiting under tables and begging with his eyes.  But, this aggravates the humans and they shoo Chance away.  On the other hand, a cat named Sassy explains to Chance that she gets what she wants by pretending she doesn't want it.  I guess you could perhaps call this reverse psychology.  Anyway, Sassy proves her theory and resists an offer by her owner who insists she take it.  After a while, she "gives in" and takes the food.  So, Chance tests the theory as well and comes out successful.  In the same way, you could do this with relationships.  You also need to remember that it isn't good to give in to people all the time.  I'm not saying that you should cut yourself off completely, but if you don't obsess over someone or don't constantly communicate with them, you will avoid annoying them or boring them.

       When you're the one person that the boys at your school can't have, you will put value on yourself.  Sure, the boys probably won't be chasing after you as often, but that's only because they're too busy going after the girls that they know they can 'get with', the girls who are 'easy'*.  But you, you're the one they can't have.  They don't chase after you because they know they won't ever be good enough for you; they are below your standard.  But, the boy who does go after you will try and try to get your attention (and may succeed).  I'm not saying you shouldn't let him 'catch' you, but make sure you play coy long enough for him to prove himself, long enough for him to show to you why he believes that he should be with you.

       A word from the wise (my parents, not me): 

• Turn your phone off at 10pm.  If you text boys into the wee hours of the morning, you are too available.
• Don't reply right away to text messages.  Sure, everyone loves a person who replies quickly, but your message will be twice as valuable to him if he knows that you took the time out of your "hectic schedule" to reply to him.
• Don't jump at any opportunity to see him.  Yes, it's exciting to see the person you like, but if you aren't always making appearances and making yourself available, he will value the time he spends with you a lot more and cherish the opportunities he has to talk with you. 

       This advice not only works in courtship, but can also help with budding friendships.  It's important to give the people you care about space.  If you always talk to each other, you won't have anything exciting to tell each other when you get together because they will already have known about it.

       So, be the girl the boys can't have.  Put value on yourself and don't date just anyone.  

-Jan Standcumbe

*easy - not solely meaning skanky, but also meaning easily contacted, too emotionally available, allowing someone to 'capture their heart' effortlessly.

I Want You To Want Me

       While I was grounded and was reading my new favourite book, I had an epiphany which I decided to write about today; I really have no idea what love is. 

       The human mind is born with a desire to be desired. The lyrics from one of my favourite songs by Cheap Trick says it perfectly; "I want you to want me".  It has a catchy beat, its lyrics are simple to learn, and it has so much truth behind it.  We all want to be wanted, especially teenage girls.  Now, I'm no expert on teenage psychology or whatever, but I am a teenage girl and let me tell you, I am just waiting for that certain someone to come into my life and sweep me off my feet and 'want me'.  And nowadays it seems that a new 'certain someone' comes around every other week.  I can't even count how many boys I have claimed to 'be in love with' this past year.  Is this really love though?  NO WAY.  But if it's not love, why do I get butterflies in my stomach every time I see them and why can't I get them out of my head?  Infatuation, my dear friends.  And as Joshua Harris puts it, "Many of us have a difficult time seeing infatuation as potentially harmful...When you really think about it, infatuation can be a sinful response to attraction."  When you're infatuated, you tend to give your heart away to someone and allow them to take up all your energy and thoughts, making yourself vulnerable.  And when someone has every last ounce of your attention, they have the potential to crush you like a bug.

       OK, what's the difference between love and infatuation? you might ask.  Just take a glance at these definitions I found on dictionary.com :

--> in-fat-u-a-tion, noun; foolish or all-absorbing passion or an instance of this: a mere infatuation that will not last.

--> love, noun, verb; a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

       As you just read, infatuation, or a crush, will not last.  I mentioned earlier that I have a new crush almost every two weeks, whom I claim to 'love'.  But, this happens so regularly, it is impossible for me to be in love with so many different people at once.  If it were love, it would not pass me by; it would be eternal.  

       In Mr. Harris' book he mentions that he used to be in love with being in love (which is the same problem I have/had); "I am, by my own admission, a hopeless romantic.  If such a thing is possible, I am in love with being in love," (perhaps 'infatuated' with love).   He describes how he was searching for someone to fulfill his emotional needs and to make him feel loved.  I find myself looking for the same thing.  I am constantly thinking of how another person could make me a better person or how they could love me, how happy I would be once I found them.  This is selfish, though.  I'm only thinking of myself and how another person could potentially 'make me whole'.  My only motive is to make myself happy and how another person could serve me and tend to my own emotional needs.  This is not love.  If I truly loved a person, I am supposed to be searching for how I can serve them, how I can help them grow as a person and become the person they were meant to be, the person I am supposed to be with.  Sure, I'm going to want them to want me, but they need time to mature, and so do I.

       Now, being only in high school I know that I am underdeveloped emotionally and can easily mistake infatuation for love.  Trust me, I do it all the time.  But, maybe before I start to consider being with someone, I should get my motives straight.  Why do I like this boy?  What about him attracts me?  The answers to these questions shouldn't be, "because his smile is so perfect," or "because he is nice to everyone".  The answers should be something wholesome and meaningful like, "he puts others before himself," or "because he respects boundaries and respects women".  Answers like these, though, won't be found in a short period of time.  These answers may take many months or years to find, and are only found when you have created a healthy friendship with him and have gotten to know his heart.  Knowing this, you also don't want to cling to the first sign of selflessness you see in him!  Get to really know a person before you let them into your mind and trust them with your heart.

       So, though you may want him to want you or vice-versa,  don't make wanting to be loved your only motive.  Make your motive to want to better your relationships with people through friendship first and to slowly discover how you could serve your future spouse.  Don't confuse infatuation for love.  And don't think of how someone could make you a better person. 

       I don't just want you to want me, I want to know you from the inside-out.

-Jan Standcumbe

Introduction

       So, I've been grounded for almost 4 weeks (this coming Friday, it will have been 4 weeks), meaning no Facebook, no cellphone, no friends.  At work I can still communicate to a certain extent, making being grounded more bearable.  Once the 4 weeks are up, I will have access to Facebook once more, but I will still be without a cellphone and will still be grounded from hanging out with school friends in town.  But, I have noticed the past three weeks without distractions such as the latest juicy gossip or contact with boys, I have read 3 books!  Holy crap.  Also, I have discovered a new interest in my Bible and the plans God has for me.
       Out of the three books, one had a very interesting and relatable topic; I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris.  I guess you could say that I am (or was) boy crazy.  I would wake up in the morning and get ready and find the perfect outfit or do my makeup as perfect as possible all in the hopes of catching a boy's attention.  Not only that, but wherever I went I searched for a 'potential boyfriend'.  At school, at church, at the mall.  Also, I was addicted to communicating with my friends and boys at school.  My phone allowed me to not only text (unlimited plan), but it also had a Facebook application.  So, yes, if a boy wanted to contact me, he could.  That's how available (and desperate) I was.  But, a week after my "sentence", my older sister suggested that I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye.  Seeing as I suddenly had all this time on my hands, I thought what the heck? and gave Joshua Harris a try.
       Throughout the next few blogs I will elaborate on my experience reading his wonderful and compelling read and explain how one simple book changed my viewpoint not only on dating, but on how I will live my high school life.
-Janelle Standcumbe