I Want You To Want Me

       While I was grounded and was reading my new favourite book, I had an epiphany which I decided to write about today; I really have no idea what love is. 

       The human mind is born with a desire to be desired. The lyrics from one of my favourite songs by Cheap Trick says it perfectly; "I want you to want me".  It has a catchy beat, its lyrics are simple to learn, and it has so much truth behind it.  We all want to be wanted, especially teenage girls.  Now, I'm no expert on teenage psychology or whatever, but I am a teenage girl and let me tell you, I am just waiting for that certain someone to come into my life and sweep me off my feet and 'want me'.  And nowadays it seems that a new 'certain someone' comes around every other week.  I can't even count how many boys I have claimed to 'be in love with' this past year.  Is this really love though?  NO WAY.  But if it's not love, why do I get butterflies in my stomach every time I see them and why can't I get them out of my head?  Infatuation, my dear friends.  And as Joshua Harris puts it, "Many of us have a difficult time seeing infatuation as potentially harmful...When you really think about it, infatuation can be a sinful response to attraction."  When you're infatuated, you tend to give your heart away to someone and allow them to take up all your energy and thoughts, making yourself vulnerable.  And when someone has every last ounce of your attention, they have the potential to crush you like a bug.

       OK, what's the difference between love and infatuation? you might ask.  Just take a glance at these definitions I found on dictionary.com :

--> in-fat-u-a-tion, noun; foolish or all-absorbing passion or an instance of this: a mere infatuation that will not last.

--> love, noun, verb; a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

       As you just read, infatuation, or a crush, will not last.  I mentioned earlier that I have a new crush almost every two weeks, whom I claim to 'love'.  But, this happens so regularly, it is impossible for me to be in love with so many different people at once.  If it were love, it would not pass me by; it would be eternal.  

       In Mr. Harris' book he mentions that he used to be in love with being in love (which is the same problem I have/had); "I am, by my own admission, a hopeless romantic.  If such a thing is possible, I am in love with being in love," (perhaps 'infatuated' with love).   He describes how he was searching for someone to fulfill his emotional needs and to make him feel loved.  I find myself looking for the same thing.  I am constantly thinking of how another person could make me a better person or how they could love me, how happy I would be once I found them.  This is selfish, though.  I'm only thinking of myself and how another person could potentially 'make me whole'.  My only motive is to make myself happy and how another person could serve me and tend to my own emotional needs.  This is not love.  If I truly loved a person, I am supposed to be searching for how I can serve them, how I can help them grow as a person and become the person they were meant to be, the person I am supposed to be with.  Sure, I'm going to want them to want me, but they need time to mature, and so do I.

       Now, being only in high school I know that I am underdeveloped emotionally and can easily mistake infatuation for love.  Trust me, I do it all the time.  But, maybe before I start to consider being with someone, I should get my motives straight.  Why do I like this boy?  What about him attracts me?  The answers to these questions shouldn't be, "because his smile is so perfect," or "because he is nice to everyone".  The answers should be something wholesome and meaningful like, "he puts others before himself," or "because he respects boundaries and respects women".  Answers like these, though, won't be found in a short period of time.  These answers may take many months or years to find, and are only found when you have created a healthy friendship with him and have gotten to know his heart.  Knowing this, you also don't want to cling to the first sign of selflessness you see in him!  Get to really know a person before you let them into your mind and trust them with your heart.

       So, though you may want him to want you or vice-versa,  don't make wanting to be loved your only motive.  Make your motive to want to better your relationships with people through friendship first and to slowly discover how you could serve your future spouse.  Don't confuse infatuation for love.  And don't think of how someone could make you a better person. 

       I don't just want you to want me, I want to know you from the inside-out.

-Jan Standcumbe