Playing hard to get, playing coy, being chased after. I'm sure you've heard all those phrases before. They all have the same meaning, but what is their meaning exactly? On the website usingenglish.com, the definition given is: "If someone plays hard to get, they pretend not to be interested or attracted to someone, usually to make the other person increase their efforts." So, ultimately, don't make yourself too available to someone that they get bored and don't feel the need to get to know you as well as they could have. Actually, the reverse of playing hard to get would technically be 'easy', which can potentially have an ironic outcome and sometimes turn off the person you're trying to impress.
Why am I blogging about this topic? Because before I was grounded, I was way too available. If I wasn't on Facebook, I was on my phone. If I wasn't on my phone, I was with friends. And if I wasn't with friends, I was on Facebook, etc. and it goes on in one big cycle. I wasn't exactly what you would call 'hard to get'. It isn't like I was 'easy' or anything, I was just too desperate and always in search of friendship. But, now that I have technically no way to communicate (which I have noticed has made me happier), I would be considered hard to get.
OK, so think of it this way; in the Walt Disney film Homeward Bound, the animals can talk to each other. Anyway, the main character, Chance (a dog), really wants to eat some people food so he tries to get what he wants by waiting under tables and begging with his eyes. But, this aggravates the humans and they shoo Chance away. On the other hand, a cat named Sassy explains to Chance that she gets what she wants by pretending she doesn't want it. I guess you could perhaps call this reverse psychology. Anyway, Sassy proves her theory and resists an offer by her owner who insists she take it. After a while, she "gives in" and takes the food. So, Chance tests the theory as well and comes out successful. In the same way, you could do this with relationships. You also need to remember that it isn't good to give in to people all the time. I'm not saying that you should cut yourself off completely, but if you don't obsess over someone or don't constantly communicate with them, you will avoid annoying them or boring them.
When you're the one person that the boys at your school can't have, you will put value on yourself. Sure, the boys probably won't be chasing after you as often, but that's only because they're too busy going after the girls that they know they can 'get with', the girls who are 'easy'*. But you, you're the one they can't have. They don't chase after you because they know they won't ever be good enough for you; they are below your standard. But, the boy who does go after you will try and try to get your attention (and may succeed). I'm not saying you shouldn't let him 'catch' you, but make sure you play coy long enough for him to prove himself, long enough for him to show to you why he believes that he should be with you.
A word from the wise (my parents, not me):
- Turn your phone off at 10pm. If you text boys into the wee hours of the morning, you are too available.
- Don't reply right away to text messages. Sure, everyone loves a person who replies quickly, but your message will be twice as valuable to him if he knows that you took the time out of your "hectic schedule" to reply to him.
- Don't jump at any opportunity to see him. Yes, it's exciting to see the person you like, but if you aren't always making appearances and making yourself available, he will value the time he spends with you a lot more and cherish the opportunities he has to talk with you.
This advice not only works in courtship, but can also help with budding friendships. It's important to give the people you care about space. If you always talk to each other, you won't have anything exciting to tell each other when you get together because they will already have known about it.
So, be the girl the boys can't have. Put value on yourself and don't date just anyone.
-Jan Standcumbe
*easy - not solely meaning skanky, but also meaning easily contacted, too emotionally available, allowing someone to 'capture their heart' effortlessly.
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